When you adopt a child, they may have questions about their birth family and where they have come from, perhaps even surrounding the circumstances that led to their adoption.
One way that your child can find out about this key part of their identity is through Letterbox contact with birth family members. But what exactly is the adoption Letterbox? Are there any rules or guidelines you will need to consider when writing letters to your adopted child’s birth family?
From what the Letterbox service is and why it’s important for adopted children to how to use it and what to include, this practical guide will explore everything you need to know about Letterbox contact.
What is the adoption Letterbox service?
The adoption Letterbox service is a widespread post-adoption service that sees the exchange of letters between adoptive parents and birth parents. Letters are passed to the local authority, who in turn pass them onto the recipient.
Letterboxing typically sees you, as the adoptive parent, write a letter to the birth family of your child to talk about what they have been up to over the past year. The birth family may even write a letter back to your child about their history and where they have come from. Siblings can also use the Letterbox service to keep in contact with them.
This will be an ongoing process until your child turns 18 and can decide for themselves whether they want to meet their birth family members in person. It’s important to remember that the letter you write will be the birth family’s only tangible link to their biological child. It is the only way they can learn anything about them or get to know them as a person through these letters, which will be important for your child if they do choose to make contact with their birth family once they turn 18.
As difficult as it may be, try to be understanding if the birth family don’t write a response to your Letterbox letter. It could be hard for them to read about all of the things they’re missing out on, such as first steps or hobbies your child enjoys. They’ll need to be in a good place mentally and emotionally to be able to use the adoption Letterbox service to write about themselves and their family.
Why do adopted children need Letterbox contact?
As we have explored above, adopted children need Letterbox contact to help them understand where they came from and to support their sense of identity. Anything that your child doesn’t know about their past or their birth family, they might create a narrative in their head and fill in the gaps themselves. They could even blame themselves if they are unaware of the circumstances that led to their adoption. It’s better to be honest and open in communicating these details to them so that they’re fully aware of their past.
If your adopted child has any biological siblings that they’re unable to live with, the adoption Letterbox can give them a way to rekindle these relationships. This is important for helping them build a positive sense of identity and can be beneficial towards their well-being in the long run.
Once they are old enough and you deem it appropriate, reading any correspondence from their birth family can help them build positive relationships with them in the future if they choose to make contact once they reach the age of 18.
How do you support Letterbox contact?
Supporting Letterbox contact as an adoptive parent is simple. All you need to do is write a letter to the birth parents of your adopted child around three months after the completion of the adoption process, and then continue to write a letter to them once or twice a year until your child turns 18.
Keeping copies of the letters that you send will be worthwhile in case your child is curious about them as they grow up, as well as any correspondence you receive from the birth family. It can also help you to write future letters by referring back to what you wrote last time. This honest and open communication with your child will show them that their past is nothing to be ashamed of and simply forms a part of their identity.
Letterboxes are just one of several post-adoption support services that will be available to you as an adoptive parent through Adopters for Adoption.
What should I include in my Letterbox letter?
The adoption Letterbox contact rules may differ depending on your local authority or the contract that you signed upon completion of the adoption process. You should aim to include details that will give the birth family a better idea of your child’s personality and their overall well-being.
Here are a few things you could include in an adoption Letterbox letter:
- Milestones that your child has reached over the last year, such as first steps or starting a new school.
- Any hobbies that they enjoy doing.
- Holidays they may have been on this year, and what they enjoyed doing most.
- Their shoe size.
- How tall they are at the time of writing.
- Interesting aspects of their personality.
- Amusing anecdotes.
- A physical description of their appearance if photos can’t be included.
Try to put yourself in the birth parents’ shoes. What kind of details would you want to know about your child?
Depending on your adoption contract, you may also be able to include memorabilia to send to the birth family. This could include any pictures your child has drawn, or a piece of string to show the birth family how tall your child has become. You may also be able to include a photo of your child; however, it’s best to check with your local authority first.
What should I not include in my Letterbox letter?
If you’re unsure whether to include something in your Letterbox letter or not, it’s best to refer to any Letterbox adoption guidelines that your local authority has given you. There are also several things to bear in mind if your children have persistent birth family members.
Here are a few things to avoid including in your letter:
- Specific details, such as addresses, phone numbers or names of schools and nurseries, if your contract does not include direct contact with the birth family.
- Negative things that your child has struggled with.
- Any worries you may have about your child.
- Emotions or opinions that could be misinterpreted.
- Accusatory language blaming the birth family for things that have affected your child.
- If photographs are allowed, avoid including ones of your child in their school uniform.
Your local authority will keep copies of all Letterbox correspondence, and your child will have access to them at a later date.
The aim of these letters is to build a positive relationship with the birth family so that your child can continue to connect with them in the future if they choose to and want to learn more about where they came from.
Curious about starting your adoption journey?
If you’re interested in adopting a child in the UK, Adopters for Adoption would love to help you.
We are a not-for-profit organisation that was founded for adopters, by adopters. We encourage people from all backgrounds to consider adopting a child, so if you want to get started with your adoption journey, call us on 0800 5877 791 or submit an enquiry form to learn more.
