It’s National Adoption Week, which not only gives us the chance to celebrate our incredible adoptive families but also to raise awareness of the challenges and rewards of the adoption journey.
Know someone who is thinking about adoption, has just started the process, or is about to welcome a child home? This year, we’re looking at community support for adoptive families from family and friends.
Join us as we explore ways you can support them as they begin this exciting new chapter.
6 ways you can support adoptive parents
If one of your friends or family members is about to become an adoptive parent, you may be excited about meeting their child and creating new memories. However, sometimes, no matter how well-meaning your support is, it can fall short of what they really need.
That’s why we’ve put together a few tips, so you know exactly how to support a parent who’s adopting a child.
1. Respect their space
Whether they’re adopting a baby or an older child, the first few days, weeks, and months are an important time for adoptive parents to bond with their child.
Attachment is essential for any child, but for adopted children who may have experienced abuse, neglect, or the death of a parent, building a secure attachment with their new parents is even more crucial.
Here’s what you can do to support an adoptive family while still respecting their space when they welcome a child home:
- Don’t pile on the pressure: The family and child will need time to adjust to their new situation, so don’t put pressure on them to meet up. Instead, congratulate them on their new arrival, and let them know that you’d love to meet their child when the time is right.
- Be a help, not a hindrance: The last thing new parents need when they’re trying to bond with their child is feeling like they have to entertain you when you visit their home. So try to be helpful instead by making drinks, cooking dinner, doing tasks around the house or running errands to ease their load.
- Understand plans may change: Parenting can be unpredictable, so show patience and understanding if plans change at short notice. From illness and challenging behaviour to a bad night’s sleep, adoptive parents don’t need people trying to make them feel guilty for cancelling at the last minute on top of everything else.
- Ask before gifting: If you’re planning to give adoptive parents a gift, ask them what they need first. Whether it be toys, books, or clothing, asking them first will prevent them from ending up with multiples of the same thing.
2. Avoid unsolicited advice
Being told how to parent can be frustrating for anyone, but for adoptive parents, it can feel a lot worse. Why? Because adopted children, no matter their age, have a past.
This means adoptive parents can’t usually rely on traditional parenting methods as they often fall short of an adopted child’s needs. Instead, they may use therapeutic parenting, which you may not be familiar with.
For example, if an adopted child is having big emotions, telling their parents, ‘That’s just what kids do, just ignore them,’ could be very unhelpful.
Instead, use it as an opportunity to learn about trauma and therapeutic parenting, so you understand why adoptive parents respond the way they do.
3. Be there to listen
Sometimes the best thing you can do to support adoptive parents is just listen to them.
Whether your friend or family member is finding the transition to parenting hard or is struggling with a fear of getting it wrong, having someone to vent their frustrations and worries to can make all the difference.
So, let them know that you are there for them if they need to talk – and really mean it. If they leave a message, get back to them. If they sound a bit flat during a chat, encourage them to open up. And check in with them regularly.
4. Help their child feel welcome
If a family member is adopting, make their child feel welcome and part of the family. You can do this by:
- Going at the child’s pace: You may be eager to get to know the new addition to your family, but you have to remember that they’ve been through a lot and need time to build enough trust to feel comfortable with you. Take it slow, and go at their pace.
- Using inclusive language: Words have power, so when you’re talking to the child or about the child to another family member, use inclusive language that helps them feel like they belong.
- Being respectfully curious: Don’t probe into the child’s experiences, but if they do want to share moments of their past with you, listen without judgment and follow their lead.
- Enjoying their company: Set up a playdate, invite them to birthday parties and include them in photos that you display in your home. Show them that you enjoy their company and are glad they are part of your family.
5. Learn about adoption
There are a lot of misconceptions about adoption, from the average age a child is adopted to their behaviour, development and more.
If one of your friends or family members is going through the adoption process, spend time learning about what adoption really means.
From the assessment and matching process to trauma and therapeutic parenting, learning about these things can really support adoptive families. Instead of spending their time correcting misinformation or repeatedly answering the same question, they’ll be able to lean on you through the process, knowing you understand.
6. Encourage them to reach out for support
When you’re in the thick of it, you may not realise that the best thing you can do is reach out to experts for support. So, if you can see an adoptive parent struggling, try to encourage them to talk to someone.
At Adopters for Adoption, our support for adoptive families includes post-adoption support services, a free 12-month membership to Adoption UK, and LGBTQIA+ foster parents also receive free membership to New Family Social.
From training and helpful resources to assistance with accessing the adoption support fund, we’re here to provide advice, guidance, and a listening ear to all our adoptive families.
Want to learn more about adoption?
Whether you’re thinking about adopting a child or are a friend or family member looking for guidance on how to support adoptive families, we’d love to hear from you. Call us on 0800 5877 791, or submit an online enquiry form and we’ll be in touch.
You can also find out more about what it’s like to adopt a child by checking out our other blogs and adoption stories.
