Here in the UK, we prioritise transparency and openness around adoption. Let’s explore the differences between open and closed adoption and see how openness around adoption benefits adoptees and their loved ones.
The history of open and closed adoptions in the UK
In England and Wales, formalised adoption was introduced with the 1926 Adoption of Children Act. Back then the UK followed a closed adoption model, where children would have no contact with and often no awareness of their birth family, with adoptive parents being encouraged to keep their child’s origins a secret from them. It was commonly thought that allowing an adoptee to believe that they were the biological child of their adoptive parents, at least until they reached young adulthood, would give them the best start in life, protecting them from having to wrestle with feelings of abandonment or confront challenging questions about their lives.
The first step towards a more open model came with the introduction of the 1976 Adoption Act, which gave adopted people the right to access records about their history. Our understanding of adoption has continued to evolve, and we now understand that keeping adoption a secret can do more harm than good for children and their families. There are currently around 55,000 adoptive families in the UK, and many of those families have chosen open adoptions, where children are made aware of the fact they are adopted and may maintain some contact with family members. Nowadays adoption in the UK is a lot less secretive, a lot more nurturing, and leads to healthier outcomes for adopted people and those who love them.
To recap, here’s the difference between open and closed adoptions:
Closed adoption: A child has no contact with their birth family, and information is not shared between parties. Birth and adoptive parents may remain anonymous to one another. Closed adoption is sometimes still appropriate in cases where a lack of anonymity could pose a risk to the child. The level of contact which is appropriate will be decided through the courts.
Open adoption: Open adoptions favour transparency between everyone involved in the child’s world and encourage contact between adoptive and birth families. This might be through Letterbox, a platform for exchanging letters and photographs, or by meeting up in person with biological family members, such as their siblings.
How open adoptions benefit children and their loved ones
When you begin your adoption journey with our team, you’ll learn more about why we favour open adoptions. This style of adoption has huge benefits for children and their loved ones. Lets take a look at how an open adoption can be beneficial for everyone.
- Your child: When some form of contact with birth family is maintained and children are made aware of their adoption from the offset, they can develop a better sense of their identity. Speaking openly about adoption at home and sharing age-appropriate information with your child normalises adoption and shows children that their life story is nothing to be ashamed or afraid of.
As young adults, many adoptees seek to meet their birth families, whether that be in order to build a relationship or to have their questions about their early life answered. As a parent, you’ll be better prepared to answer your child’s questions if you yourself already have some of the answers; this might be through having met a child’s birth parents face-to-face, or through monitored, formal contact over Letterbox. By leaving the door open via open adoption, you can aid them in their journey of self discovery by making it easier for them to make sense of their life story and connect with birth family members as they get older if they choose to do so—it’s then up to them what shape they’d like that relationship to take.
- Your child’s siblings: Many adoptees, particularly older children or those who come from large families, are separated from their biological siblings when they are adopted. Sibling separation can be very traumatic for children, and there are benefits of keeping siblings together wherever possible. Open adoptions allow children to grow up knowing their biological brothers and sisters, precious relationships which can last a lifetime.
- You as an adoptive parent: As a parent, it’s natural to feel some hesitation around keeping in touch with your child’s birth family. You may encounter feelings of jealousy or may feel threatened by the idea of your child’s birth family being on the scene. Having an open adoption allows you to get to know your child’s birth family on a more personal level, helping to minimise these feelings as you prioritize what is best for your child.
- Your child’s birth parents and other relatives: Even if a child has come from incredibly difficult circumstances, adults in their birth family will often deal with deep feelings of loss, guilt and regret at not having been able to provide them with a safe and happy upbringing under their care, particularly if they did not consent to the adoption. Contact through Letterbox can provide parents, grandparents and other people who love your child with some semblance of comfort and the reassurance that they are now living a safe, happy life.
What our adopters say about maintaining contact with birth families
You may still feel some hesitation around having an open adoption, particularly if your child has faced difficult circumstances in their birth family’s home before becoming a part of your family. Maintaining contact with members of your child’s birth family requires good communication and clear boundaries. Here’s what some of our adopters have to say about their experience of staying in touch with their children’s birth families:
“The sad thing about adoption is that, at the core of every adoption story, there is loss. Someone’s lost their child, and by the time our son came to us, he’d already lost two parents. As an adoptive parent you have to go into things with the mindset that you’re not just adopting a child, you are adopting everything that comes with them. You can’t just pick and choose parts of their identity or ignore the struggles they’ve been through. It takes a lot of effort to maintain birth family relationships and help a child to better understand their story, but it is worth it.”
– Anonymous, adopter with A4A
“Our son has siblings who we make a real effort to keep in contact with, and it’s just so important. It means that all of the children experience less loss in their lives. They’ve gone through enough as it is, and by maintaining the relationships that they do have, we can help ensure that they have a strong sense of their identity. If our son gets older and decides that he doesn’t want to see his birth family anymore, that’s his choice. We’ll support him, whatever he chooses.”
– Sophie, adopter with A4A
If you’re still hesitant about having an open adoption, don’t worry— our team is always on hand to answer any of your questions, and you’ll receive training and support around maintaining contact. If you’re looking for more information, why not read our blog on the importance of birth family contact for adoptive families for more tips and advice, or discover more personal stories from our adoptive families.
Recommended Resources on birth family contact in adoption
- ‘Telling the truth to your adopted or foster child: making sense of the past’ by Betsy Keefer & Jayne E. Schooler
In this honest, practical guide, adoptive parents can learn to navigate challenging discussions and guide their child through the emotional challenges which can come with living as an adopted person.
- ‘Adoption, DNA and the impact of a concealed life’ by Ruth Monnig
This excellent TED talk by adoptee Ruth Monnig explores why it’s so important that adopted children have an age-appropriate understanding of their family life, and how genetic traits can make adopted children feel like the odd one out in their families if they don’t have answers about their whole life story.
- ‘The missing piece: messages for adoptive parents from birth parents’ by PAC-UK
PAC-UK’s documentary on how birth parents navigate adoption is an eye-opening, empathetic look at the day to day realities for birth parents up and down the UK, many of whom are themselves very vulnerable people dealing with the grief of being separated from a child.
- ‘Contact After Adoption’ by Elsbeth Neil, Mary Beek & Emma Ward
This UK-based longitudinal study is a great resource for anyone interested in learning more about contact in adoption. It covers topics including how separation can impact biological siblings and how to navigate contact in a safe, fulfilling way.
Join Adopters for Adoption
If you’re interested in welcoming a young person into your family and providing them with a new start, look no further than Adopters for Adoption. We’re a non-for-profit adoption agency founded by real adopters, and we’d love to speak with you about all of the wonderful things that adoption can bring for your family.
We offer regular virtual events where you can learn about how we can support you and your family on your journey, or you can enquire with us today to speak with our friendly team. We can’t wait to hear from you!
