If you’re considering adopting a child and already have children of your own, you may be wondering how welcoming another child into your home will impact them. From discussing the prospect of a new arrival to navigating changes in family dynamics, we’ll help you decide whether your children are ready for adoption.
Things to consider before adopting a child
Adoption is life-changing – not only for the child you’ll be welcoming into your home but also for you and your family. Here are some questions you may be asking yourself about adopting when you already have children.
Do the ages of my children matter?
There are various reasons why a child could be awaiting adoption. They may have experienced abuse or neglect, the death of a parent, or have complex needs that their birth families were unable to meet. These children are often living with the weight of trauma, which can impact their entire well-being, including their ability to trust new people, regulate their emotions, and build secure attachments.
When they join their adoptive family, they typically need more time and attention, especially while they settle in. They may also struggle with certain aspects of their daily lives, such as school and could require additional support during transitions.
For this reason, the child you adopt must be the youngest in your family and at least two years younger than your youngest child. However, a wider age gap can be more beneficial because it can help each child in your family feel secure and reduce competition. If your children are significantly older than the child you adopt, it could also be easier for them to understand their new sibling’s needs, creating a more supportive environment.
Do I have enough space in the home?
In most cases, when you adopt a child, they must have their own room. However, if you adopt siblings who have shared a room before, they may be able to continue sharing if it could positively impact their well-being.
When you adopt a child, they will have already been through a lot—including the huge change of joining a new family. It can be a very unsettling time for children as they try to make sense of their situation, navigate their emotions, and get used to their new home.
That’s why it’s so important that they have a space in the home to call their own – a space they can personalise and surround themselves with things that bring them comfort and joy.
It’s reassuring for your own children too. They may already have mixed feelings about welcoming a new sibling, and if they had to share their room, it could make them feel upset or resentful.
Having enough room in your home also includes living space. Is there plenty of room for each child to feel comfortable in shared spaces? If not, this could lead to conflict and frustration for both your current children and the child you adopt.
How do my children feel about adoption?
Before applying to adopt a child, it’s essential to talk to your current children about what it means and how it might affect them. They may initially be excited about having a new sibling, but their feelings could change when the novelty wears off.
So, have an open discussion before giving them time to process their thoughts and feelings and ask any questions they may have.
They may be worried about sharing your attention with another child or about changes in family dynamics. Reassure them that your love for them will never change while encouraging them to get involved in the adoption process. You could do some research together and help them empathise with children awaiting adoption by explaining why they aren’t able to live with their birth families anymore.
How will I balance my time and attention?
When you’re considering adopting a child and already have children, it’s only natural to worry about balancing your time and attention between each child.
You likely already have a good routine at home that helps you manage your time and ensures your children feel safe, stable, and loved.
When you first welcome your adopted child home, your routine will be different as you help them settle in and begin to build a bond. During this time, it’s important to involve your current children wherever possible and stick to as much of your usual routine as you can so they don’t feel pushed aside. As time goes on, you’ll find a new routine that works for your whole family, making it easier to balance your time and attention.
You can support your existing children by making sure they still get quality one-to-one time with you. Whether it’s a bedtime story, a walk in the park, or a chat over breakfast, these small moments could help them continue to feel connected to you.
If your adopted child needs more of your time, either early on or in the future, try to explain this to your other children. Encourage them to share their feelings and let them know that although things feel different now, they’ll settle over time.
Will my adopted child fit in well with my family?
If you’re wondering, ‘Will my adopted child fit in well with my family?’ that’s where the matching process comes in. At Adopters for Adoption, our top priority is ensuring that every adopted child finds a safe, stable, and nurturing home where they can experience the happy childhood they deserve.
That’s why, during the adoption process, we take the time to really get to know you and your family so we can match you with a child that fits in well with your family.
Once you’re approved to adopt a child, we’ll work closely with you to identify children who could be a good match for your family.
There are several ways we’ll help introduce you to potential matches, including:
- Linkmaker: an online placement platform that connects adopters with children in need of families.
- Activity days: where you’ll have the opportunity to meet children waiting for adoption.
- Exchange days: events where you can meet social workers and learn more about children through their profiles.
We’ll be by your side throughout the process and will never pressure you into agreeing to adopt a child if you don’t think they’ll fit in well with your family.
We’re here to support you
Whether you already have children of your own or adoption will make you a parent for the first time, we’re here to support you.
At Adopters for Adoption, you’ll be assigned a dedicated social worker and receive training to help you feel confident and prepared for this exciting new chapter.
You’ll also have access to long-term support, including support groups, ongoing training, free membership to Adoption UK, and free membership to New Family Social for LGBTQIA+ parents.
If you’d like to learn more about adoption and how it could impact your current children, please get in touch.
